Thanks for the ideas, guys. Didn't work... Seems it's some kind of computer/electrical problem.
Car was towed to the dealership across town and I was dumped there. Dealership is closed, and apparently it's my responsibility to find my way home/know Ford's dealership hours. Car won't be looked at until Monday at the earliest, which sucks.
Unhappy about the car, completely livid about being stranded at the dealership. When I called back road assist the representative did offer to look up a cab number for me...