HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE thanks to Tom for the info, advice, and know-how he provided to me. 'Twas invaluable.
What I ended up doing was relocating the bungs. I relocated a bung onto the side of my header right when pipes converged into one, right before the flange to the cat. The sensor is now mounted approximately 5-10 degrees above horizontal and is totally clear of any possible complications with the oil pan. As for the rear sensor, it seems that my wires were only stretched and not actually broken, so I straightened the sensor and plugged everything up. Couple of days later the CEL went away!!
Now I had bought a spare cat to replace the one on the car (one on the car is cracked). I welded bungs to the new-to-me cat to fix the rear problem as well by grinding down the lip near the rear OEM location and welding a bung in similar fashion with my new front mount.
Only problem I have now is I cannot for the life of my get the old cat off... Bolts are fully rusted, and the bracket holding the cat to the car is snapped in half so the entire exhaust moves around when I try wrenching on it.
If anyone has any tips on that, let me know. Otherwise it is gonna stay on the car until it becomes absolutely necessary to remove the cat.