I've found a temporary fix!
But May 2011 build, 2.10 factory with the 2.11, 3.0.2, and 3.2.2 updates. Still no CC, I'll have to try an actual fuse pull instead of just the "Master Reset" which did nothing. In fact, I didn't even lose my radio presets, just my background.
EDIT: Also, I contacted SYNC/MFT via their website to let them know about our issues and (of course) referenced this thread's home page.