So after pulling and untaping the entire rear harness, I found nothing out of the ordinary. I did however pull the bcm, and what I found was some SERIOUS corrosion on all of the connectors. I would post a picture of just how bad it is, but I'm posting from my phone and can't figure it out... So anyways, I'm about to head to Walmart to pick up some electrical parts cleaner, and I'm reeaally hoping it'll do the trick.
Proud owner of the slowest SVTF in the world... Seriously.