I'm 100% convinced that the head gasket is alive and well. The oil was clean; the plugs showed no signs of ever seeing coolant, overheat or other abuse; the coolant leak appears to be at the oil cooler on the back of the engine, and there was no loss of oil at all.
When I cranked the engine, the coolant very obviously exited in one location and in a very controlled manner. The no-start condition seems fueled by the timing issue, however it cropped up. For all I know it could be a false reading judging by the oil pooling around the plugs. When I open the valve cover to check/adjust the timing, I'll be replacing the VC gasket. If the car starts as it should, all the timing apparatus and the water pump will be changed.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but the complete and total lack of smoke from the tail pipe convinced me that the head gasket was fine; then the check of the engine oil confirmed it. The specific coolant leak just drove the point further home for me.
2003 CD Silver SVT Sunroof and Machs
#1229 of 3985 Date of Birth April 21, 2003
Borla Cat-Back/SVTF tip, Steeda Short Throw,FRPP 9mm Plug Wires, Upgraded "Big 3", HIA Short Ram, Xcal2 tuned by FocusSport, SRF TB, EAP Wheels(thanks John), Audiophile sub(thanks John), Euro Grill(thanks Aaron)