So, great news! Fuse pull officially fixed the problem of SYNC not connecting with the USB storage device. Car is updated and I took a drive with the lady to get some food and it's working marvelously! I'm glad I didn't end up having to drive the car over to the dealership, where the service rep on the phone tried explaining how the update worked instead of listening to my issue.
Thanks again for hosting the files for us!
Once upon a time I had:
2012 SGM SEL Sedan Job 1 BD 6/2011
FSWERKS Cool-Flo w/ ITG Filter | FSWERKS Stealth Exhaust | 17x7.5 Axis Sport XMX Graphite wheels | Eibach Sportlines on Ti Handling Pkg bits