Well it's important not to bend on the pan when you're draining it, and not to use anything to pry down on the pan. It's hard for us to say what's causing it without being there. You're just going to have to keep working on it.
How are you tightening the bolts to the pan? Bolts should be tightened from the center to the outside in an X shaped pattern. When replacing the filter, I recommend the Purolator gasket that comes with a gasket that has adhesive on the back of it.
Clean the mating surfaces of the pan and the transmission to be sure there is no damage to either. Use a rag.
When using grey RTV, keep in mind that it takes 24 hrs for that RTV to dry. It's written on the box. Mostly manufacturers use grey for assembly. It's superior to black because it retains flexibility better, can be used in place of blue, but has a much longer cure time. For a transmission, you should be using black. Blue is more for coolant, although it can be used in oil seal locations.
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